Post by Jeice on Oct 19, 2010 23:46:29 GMT -5
Jeice was bored. He had nothing to do since Recoome had destroyed their training machine and Burter was out shopping. He seemed to always need bread, milk and eggs in case “A blizzard ever strikes.” Burter didn’t realize how stupid he sounded every single time he said this but Jeice let it go. He likes making eggs and toast for breakfast so it didn’t bother Jeice that Burter had this weird obsession. Yawning Jeice got up out of the chair he was in and stretched. Deciding he did not want to waist the day sitting around he decided to fly into town to do some shopping. And by shopping he meant stealing whatever he wanted.
Walking outside Jeice looked around. It was a cool autumn day. The leaves had all fallen off the trees and there was a slight breeze in the air that made it seem much chillier then it actually was. Shivering a bit Jeice flew off towards the city to take a look around. On his wave he played a game with himself that every time he saw a flock of birds appearing he would land and shoot ki blasts at them, seeing how many he could take out at a time. He never missed but it was fun torturing the little animals all the same. What could he possibly say? Jeice was an evil alien and he knew it. He enjoyed fighting and especially enjoyed winning. After a half hour of fling Jeice landed in some hick town called Spooner, Wisconsin. “Boy the people here sure seem stupid to me. Especially that idiot over there with the hat on trying to tell jokes while smoking pot at the same time. What an idiot. What does that sign behind him say? The David BLAINE comedy hour? Jesus Christ, please save these people from their stupidity.”
And Jeice walked on. He decided to check out a few hobby stores where he stole a few hundred packs of trading cards, hoping to strike it rich with some card that would be worth thousands of zenni to some poor sap somewhere in the world. “Boy if someone was to ask me right now where I hid all those cards to carry I would have absolutely no answer for them. I sure am glad no one is asking though." After he was satisfied he had all the training cards he could ever possibly hope to hold, Jeice went over to a mechanic store. He searched for the parts he needed to fix his training machine back at the house but, of course these simpleton folks didn’t have it. Becoming extremely enraged, Jeice killed the owner and all the workers in the store. It was obviously their fault for not having the part he needed and not the company’s. Anyone who has ever worked in retail would agree with Jeice. Satisfied with his kills, Jeice went over to the electronics store next. Inside he once again searched for the part he needed for the training machine. He was growing more and more frustrated that nowhere seemed to have it until he at last found it.
“These people sure are lucky. They were about to get a bunch of balls to the face. Splitter balls that is. Ha Ha Ha! Splitter balls. I crack myself up. That Blaine guy should use some of my jokes. They are much more hilarious then anything he said. I am a motherfuckig genius man! And wait, what’s this? This part comes with a ticket to a free movie? God, these people in this town really do suck don’t they. They need to offer free movie tickets just so someone will buy a part to a machine. Oh well it is free and I am never one to pass up something that’s free. That’s how I got the herpes disease. But man was that fun! Anyway I guess I should go see a movie.”
So Jeice set off for the local movie theatre. Of course since it was such a rural town it had no movie theatre, Jeice had to fly on over to Timbers Theatre in Siren, Wisconsin. This was another small, rural, hick town in Wisconsin. It seemed as if everything about this state was very basic and simple. Other than the football team which had just beaten the Ohio State Buckeyes this past weekend. But then again who hasn’t beaten them? They choke in big games more than Jeice’s girlfriend used to choke on his big, red, Australian, alien cock before she died. Which was more times than he could hope to count. So inside Jeice went to see the movie Jackass 3D since it was the only good movie of the five that was playing. I mean does anyone who worked at that theatre really expect customers to buy tickets to see “Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole”? As Jeice walked towards his theatre, he made a detour at the snack counter where he stole some popcorn and candy snacks for the movies. He was hoping this movie would be good. Sitting down Jeice braced himself for the funniest movie of all time.
An hour and thirty four minutes later Jeice walked out of the theatre. “What the bloody hell was that? That was the worst movie I have seen in my damn life. That was terrible. Fuck this place, I’m blowing it up.” And blow it up he did. Jeice unleashed a ki explosion destroying the movie theatre and the entire town with it. He felt much better having gotten rid of this sad ass stain in the great country we call the United States. Jeice decided enough was enough and wanted to head back home for the night deciding that he had endured enough for one day. As he started walking he noticed that it started snowing, lightly at first but then picking up speed. After walking only a mile he was in the middle of a full blown blizzard. Unable to see anywhere around him, Jeice could no longer tell if he was walking in the correct direction. He had to rely on his morbid sense of direction to get him home. So on he continued, plowing through the snow at a paltry pace. He was getting nowhere very fast. His vision was limited to only about a foot in front of him from the heavy snow and blinding winds and yet, Jeice still kept walking into trees. He didn’t know how he could possibly make it out of this alive without freezing to death. On and on Jeice dragged. After two hours worth of walking he heard a snarl. It was low at first but rapidly grew. It seemed to go from one to many. Pushing outward with his mind Jeice sensed a pack of wolves ready to attack. And before he could turn to defend himself he was attacked. The Alpha male of the pack hand pinned Jeice down and was attempting to gnaw the red alien’s face off while his fellow pack members with biting at his legs. “Ow! Hey stop it you little bastards. I’ll kill you if you don’t stop it. Ouch, that was my foot. What the bloody fuck mate you need to calm down.”
But they wouldn’t calm down on they went trying to kill the alien so they could indulge in his meat. Flailing around Jeice was finally able to free his hands from the Alpha leader and punch the wolf in his mouth. He grabbed the wolf’s head and snapped the neck in three before picking up the corpse and beating the two wolves at his feet with it. Yet on they pressed. They were not about to give up on their food without a fight. Jeice dropped their leader’s body and started kicking at the wolves. When he would connect with a kick on one, another would be there to bite him. He was severely outnumbered and tiring quickly from the snow. Luck shined on Jeice when a wolf went for a flying death bite attack, though. He dodged to his left and grabbed the tail of the wolf as he flew by. Putting a vice grip on the tail Jeice started spinning around in a circle. All the fellow members of the pack were knocked over repeatedly. Every time they would be knocked over by the swinging Jeice he would shoot a quick splitter wave at the wolf. Five minutes went by, then ten, then thirty, and all the way up to fifty seven minutes before all the members of the pack died. Slowing his spin down, Jeice vomited from the dizziness. But he had survived. Tossing the corpse he had in his hands into the air, Jeice focused all his energy into his right foot and as the corpse descended to the earth; Jeice unleashed a furious focused kick into the dead wolf sending it flying high and far away.
The snow still was not clearing up however and Jeice was severely frostbitten. Remember the story he had been told as a little alien about humans that had been called Eskimos, Jeice decided the best way for him to stay warm was to build one of these igloos he had been told about. Having no clue as to how to actually build it though, Jeice stumbled around for nearly an hour before finishing his creation. Looking at it he realized it was a bit crude but it would have to do. Crawling inside his temporary home he immediately felt warmer. The stories about the Eskimos and their igloos were true! Laying back Jeice decided the best way to beat the storm was just to wait it out. And that’s what he did. One day passed and the snow raged on. Two days passed and the snow actually seemed to be getting stronger. By the third day it seemed like the snow had slowed up a little bit but by the fourth day it was still snowing at a steady enough pace that Jeice decided he would wait another day before risking it. On the fifth day the snow was barely a flurry and Jeice flew out of his igloo to finish his trek home. Using his mind he reached out to his surroundings once again. Only this time he did it to find out which way was his house and where he should fly to get there quickest. Having sensed that the Ginyu Special Forces’ lair was to his south east, Jeice took off in that direction. He hadn’t realized how far in the wrong direction he had walked during the blizzard until he had flown for three hours and still hadn’t reached his destination.
“Damn that snow. I hate snow so much. If only I had just stayed home and played video games with Recoome I would be warm and cozy right now. But, no I had to go out on an adventure to see what I could find. Why the hell did I do that? I could have even done a self training to myself and it wouldn’t have been disastrous like this was. And to top it all off, I ended up in the most rural town in America! Spooner, Wisconsin. No more adventures for me. I am absolutely done with this. Unless of course something cool comes up. Or it’s a warm day out that won’t cause a freak blizzard that traps me in the middle of nowhere for five days!”
Finally reaching his destination Jeice landed on the top of the snow. “Damn. The whole house is buried. I guess the only way for me to get in is to blast my way down to the bottom of the snow and then dig my way to the door. This is not going to be fun.” Jeice shot six ki blasts that tore through the snow allowing him to land on the ground. Then punch by punch, Jeice slowly made his way to the door of the Ginyu Special Forces home. After fifteen minutes of hard labor Jeice made it to the door. Opening the door he looked around for any signs of Recoome or Burter. The house was pitch black and smelled of smoke. There were papers lying all over the floor and the table which they kept their mail on was smashed in half. A sense of doom started to creep over Jeice as he walked forward and examined the table. “What happened while I was gone? Are Burter and Recoome dead? Were we invaded?” Jeice felt sick to his stomach as he continued his walk through the house. As he neared the kitchen however, he noticed a faint light seemed to be coming from there. Walking over to it he peeked his head in and saw Recoome sitting at the kitchen table playing his Nintendo DSI while Burter seemed to be making French toast. “Uhm, hey guys what’s going on?”
“Oh hey Jeice. Nothing I’m just making Recoome and I some breakfast. Good thing I bought bread, milk, and eggs huh? Now we can have French toast! It’s funny though because he thought you were dead. I mean you haven’t called us to tell us you’d be late or anything asshole. Oh and guess what? Recoome finally got laid!”
“Really?”
“No, he’s still a puss. Anyway what’s up man?”
“What’s up? I’ll tell you what’s up. I just had the worst five days of my life. I was trapped in an igloo for four nights, attacked by a pack of vicious, angry wolves which nearly killed me, saw the worst movie ever made in Jackass 3D, and to top it all off, I was in Spooner, Wisconsin for a day!”
“Ouch, dude. Spooner, Wisconsin? That really sucks. That’s like the worst place in the world to be stuck at. I hear that absolutely nothing happens there. And I don’t just mean like occasionally. I mean like ever.”
“You have no idea. Well I’m going to go ahead and go to bed. The horrors I faced these last few days are something that can turn the strongest of us weak. Let it be known forever that Jeice of the Ginyu Special Forces faced death in the eye and survived. And not only did he survive, he kicked it in the balls over and over again until he forced it to submit.” And with that Jeice left to go rest. Heading up to the bathroom Jeice attempted to take a warm shower before retiring to the sleeping quarters. Alas, his week continued to be worse because all the water in the pipes were frozen from the snow. Silently cursing his terrible luck, Jeice finally retreated to the sleeping quarters. Looking outside his window at the mountain of snow, he wondered to himself how long they would be snowed in at their house. And at the same time he didn’t really care. He was just happy to be home and out of the snow finally. And with that final thought in his head, Jeice fell asleep.
Word Count: 2,513 according to Word
Walking outside Jeice looked around. It was a cool autumn day. The leaves had all fallen off the trees and there was a slight breeze in the air that made it seem much chillier then it actually was. Shivering a bit Jeice flew off towards the city to take a look around. On his wave he played a game with himself that every time he saw a flock of birds appearing he would land and shoot ki blasts at them, seeing how many he could take out at a time. He never missed but it was fun torturing the little animals all the same. What could he possibly say? Jeice was an evil alien and he knew it. He enjoyed fighting and especially enjoyed winning. After a half hour of fling Jeice landed in some hick town called Spooner, Wisconsin. “Boy the people here sure seem stupid to me. Especially that idiot over there with the hat on trying to tell jokes while smoking pot at the same time. What an idiot. What does that sign behind him say? The David BLAINE comedy hour? Jesus Christ, please save these people from their stupidity.”
And Jeice walked on. He decided to check out a few hobby stores where he stole a few hundred packs of trading cards, hoping to strike it rich with some card that would be worth thousands of zenni to some poor sap somewhere in the world. “Boy if someone was to ask me right now where I hid all those cards to carry I would have absolutely no answer for them. I sure am glad no one is asking though." After he was satisfied he had all the training cards he could ever possibly hope to hold, Jeice went over to a mechanic store. He searched for the parts he needed to fix his training machine back at the house but, of course these simpleton folks didn’t have it. Becoming extremely enraged, Jeice killed the owner and all the workers in the store. It was obviously their fault for not having the part he needed and not the company’s. Anyone who has ever worked in retail would agree with Jeice. Satisfied with his kills, Jeice went over to the electronics store next. Inside he once again searched for the part he needed for the training machine. He was growing more and more frustrated that nowhere seemed to have it until he at last found it.
“These people sure are lucky. They were about to get a bunch of balls to the face. Splitter balls that is. Ha Ha Ha! Splitter balls. I crack myself up. That Blaine guy should use some of my jokes. They are much more hilarious then anything he said. I am a motherfuckig genius man! And wait, what’s this? This part comes with a ticket to a free movie? God, these people in this town really do suck don’t they. They need to offer free movie tickets just so someone will buy a part to a machine. Oh well it is free and I am never one to pass up something that’s free. That’s how I got the herpes disease. But man was that fun! Anyway I guess I should go see a movie.”
So Jeice set off for the local movie theatre. Of course since it was such a rural town it had no movie theatre, Jeice had to fly on over to Timbers Theatre in Siren, Wisconsin. This was another small, rural, hick town in Wisconsin. It seemed as if everything about this state was very basic and simple. Other than the football team which had just beaten the Ohio State Buckeyes this past weekend. But then again who hasn’t beaten them? They choke in big games more than Jeice’s girlfriend used to choke on his big, red, Australian, alien cock before she died. Which was more times than he could hope to count. So inside Jeice went to see the movie Jackass 3D since it was the only good movie of the five that was playing. I mean does anyone who worked at that theatre really expect customers to buy tickets to see “Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole”? As Jeice walked towards his theatre, he made a detour at the snack counter where he stole some popcorn and candy snacks for the movies. He was hoping this movie would be good. Sitting down Jeice braced himself for the funniest movie of all time.
An hour and thirty four minutes later Jeice walked out of the theatre. “What the bloody hell was that? That was the worst movie I have seen in my damn life. That was terrible. Fuck this place, I’m blowing it up.” And blow it up he did. Jeice unleashed a ki explosion destroying the movie theatre and the entire town with it. He felt much better having gotten rid of this sad ass stain in the great country we call the United States. Jeice decided enough was enough and wanted to head back home for the night deciding that he had endured enough for one day. As he started walking he noticed that it started snowing, lightly at first but then picking up speed. After walking only a mile he was in the middle of a full blown blizzard. Unable to see anywhere around him, Jeice could no longer tell if he was walking in the correct direction. He had to rely on his morbid sense of direction to get him home. So on he continued, plowing through the snow at a paltry pace. He was getting nowhere very fast. His vision was limited to only about a foot in front of him from the heavy snow and blinding winds and yet, Jeice still kept walking into trees. He didn’t know how he could possibly make it out of this alive without freezing to death. On and on Jeice dragged. After two hours worth of walking he heard a snarl. It was low at first but rapidly grew. It seemed to go from one to many. Pushing outward with his mind Jeice sensed a pack of wolves ready to attack. And before he could turn to defend himself he was attacked. The Alpha male of the pack hand pinned Jeice down and was attempting to gnaw the red alien’s face off while his fellow pack members with biting at his legs. “Ow! Hey stop it you little bastards. I’ll kill you if you don’t stop it. Ouch, that was my foot. What the bloody fuck mate you need to calm down.”
But they wouldn’t calm down on they went trying to kill the alien so they could indulge in his meat. Flailing around Jeice was finally able to free his hands from the Alpha leader and punch the wolf in his mouth. He grabbed the wolf’s head and snapped the neck in three before picking up the corpse and beating the two wolves at his feet with it. Yet on they pressed. They were not about to give up on their food without a fight. Jeice dropped their leader’s body and started kicking at the wolves. When he would connect with a kick on one, another would be there to bite him. He was severely outnumbered and tiring quickly from the snow. Luck shined on Jeice when a wolf went for a flying death bite attack, though. He dodged to his left and grabbed the tail of the wolf as he flew by. Putting a vice grip on the tail Jeice started spinning around in a circle. All the fellow members of the pack were knocked over repeatedly. Every time they would be knocked over by the swinging Jeice he would shoot a quick splitter wave at the wolf. Five minutes went by, then ten, then thirty, and all the way up to fifty seven minutes before all the members of the pack died. Slowing his spin down, Jeice vomited from the dizziness. But he had survived. Tossing the corpse he had in his hands into the air, Jeice focused all his energy into his right foot and as the corpse descended to the earth; Jeice unleashed a furious focused kick into the dead wolf sending it flying high and far away.
The snow still was not clearing up however and Jeice was severely frostbitten. Remember the story he had been told as a little alien about humans that had been called Eskimos, Jeice decided the best way for him to stay warm was to build one of these igloos he had been told about. Having no clue as to how to actually build it though, Jeice stumbled around for nearly an hour before finishing his creation. Looking at it he realized it was a bit crude but it would have to do. Crawling inside his temporary home he immediately felt warmer. The stories about the Eskimos and their igloos were true! Laying back Jeice decided the best way to beat the storm was just to wait it out. And that’s what he did. One day passed and the snow raged on. Two days passed and the snow actually seemed to be getting stronger. By the third day it seemed like the snow had slowed up a little bit but by the fourth day it was still snowing at a steady enough pace that Jeice decided he would wait another day before risking it. On the fifth day the snow was barely a flurry and Jeice flew out of his igloo to finish his trek home. Using his mind he reached out to his surroundings once again. Only this time he did it to find out which way was his house and where he should fly to get there quickest. Having sensed that the Ginyu Special Forces’ lair was to his south east, Jeice took off in that direction. He hadn’t realized how far in the wrong direction he had walked during the blizzard until he had flown for three hours and still hadn’t reached his destination.
“Damn that snow. I hate snow so much. If only I had just stayed home and played video games with Recoome I would be warm and cozy right now. But, no I had to go out on an adventure to see what I could find. Why the hell did I do that? I could have even done a self training to myself and it wouldn’t have been disastrous like this was. And to top it all off, I ended up in the most rural town in America! Spooner, Wisconsin. No more adventures for me. I am absolutely done with this. Unless of course something cool comes up. Or it’s a warm day out that won’t cause a freak blizzard that traps me in the middle of nowhere for five days!”
Finally reaching his destination Jeice landed on the top of the snow. “Damn. The whole house is buried. I guess the only way for me to get in is to blast my way down to the bottom of the snow and then dig my way to the door. This is not going to be fun.” Jeice shot six ki blasts that tore through the snow allowing him to land on the ground. Then punch by punch, Jeice slowly made his way to the door of the Ginyu Special Forces home. After fifteen minutes of hard labor Jeice made it to the door. Opening the door he looked around for any signs of Recoome or Burter. The house was pitch black and smelled of smoke. There were papers lying all over the floor and the table which they kept their mail on was smashed in half. A sense of doom started to creep over Jeice as he walked forward and examined the table. “What happened while I was gone? Are Burter and Recoome dead? Were we invaded?” Jeice felt sick to his stomach as he continued his walk through the house. As he neared the kitchen however, he noticed a faint light seemed to be coming from there. Walking over to it he peeked his head in and saw Recoome sitting at the kitchen table playing his Nintendo DSI while Burter seemed to be making French toast. “Uhm, hey guys what’s going on?”
“Oh hey Jeice. Nothing I’m just making Recoome and I some breakfast. Good thing I bought bread, milk, and eggs huh? Now we can have French toast! It’s funny though because he thought you were dead. I mean you haven’t called us to tell us you’d be late or anything asshole. Oh and guess what? Recoome finally got laid!”
“Really?”
“No, he’s still a puss. Anyway what’s up man?”
“What’s up? I’ll tell you what’s up. I just had the worst five days of my life. I was trapped in an igloo for four nights, attacked by a pack of vicious, angry wolves which nearly killed me, saw the worst movie ever made in Jackass 3D, and to top it all off, I was in Spooner, Wisconsin for a day!”
“Ouch, dude. Spooner, Wisconsin? That really sucks. That’s like the worst place in the world to be stuck at. I hear that absolutely nothing happens there. And I don’t just mean like occasionally. I mean like ever.”
“You have no idea. Well I’m going to go ahead and go to bed. The horrors I faced these last few days are something that can turn the strongest of us weak. Let it be known forever that Jeice of the Ginyu Special Forces faced death in the eye and survived. And not only did he survive, he kicked it in the balls over and over again until he forced it to submit.” And with that Jeice left to go rest. Heading up to the bathroom Jeice attempted to take a warm shower before retiring to the sleeping quarters. Alas, his week continued to be worse because all the water in the pipes were frozen from the snow. Silently cursing his terrible luck, Jeice finally retreated to the sleeping quarters. Looking outside his window at the mountain of snow, he wondered to himself how long they would be snowed in at their house. And at the same time he didn’t really care. He was just happy to be home and out of the snow finally. And with that final thought in his head, Jeice fell asleep.
Word Count: 2,513 according to Word